i haven’t been moving lately. and when i do it’s inch by inch in a horizontal direction… usually towards the television; today, the computer. my fingers hitting the keyboard feel like pounding sledgehammers and the ruckus is equally penetrating to my ears.

so today is christmas eve and i believe i’m supposed to be jubilant and full of cheer. but here i am feeling apathetic and indifferent. perhaps it’s because this year i don’t have many things to be cheerful about. my dad lost his job a while back so we don’t have enough money to hold our once huge filipino gala. these parties are the best, really. especially when you host them and you feel proud that everyone knows your name (kind of like cheers) and getting guests a draft beer doesn’t feel like a chore.

but now it does.

this year also gave birth to me getting my ass laid off from work, my horrible marks in university, constant arguments with my mother, and wannabe-friends who use me as a doormat. tradition has been lost. every year around this time i’d actually be content with my life. this year is quite the exception.

maybe i’ll feel a bit better tomorrow, when my sisters and i carry out our very own tradition of ditching all of the filipino family functions we have planned for that day, and instead watch some random film at the theatre. my, those are always fun times. i guess father christmas has a way of creating equilibrium.