very much like my ornery father must have went through during a time in his life, i am reaching a point where i look at the younger generations and think, “my god, what the hell is happening to the world?” i see kids years shy from their teens having sex, getting pregnant, killing each other, killing themselves… and although i know things like this have been going on for centuries, i am still shocked and appalled at the increasing severity of these acts.

last night, i did some reminiscing with a few friends. at the age when kids are now practicing oral sex on their partners, i was watching disney afternoon and eating corn-pops. instead of dwelling on how popular i was not, i was laughing at baloo’s hijinx on tale spin and imitating rat capone from chip ‘n’ dale: rescue rangers. angst came from magica stealing scrooge mcducks’s lucky dime on ducktales, and not from the hangover after a crazy party. television is always considered such a detrimental element of youth. but when compared to the values of superficiality and materialism that all these youngsters are adhering to these days, i think one will find it the lesser of two evils.

even when it comes to music, i’ve been looking at my generation as superior to that of its pop-driven offspring. nirvana’s “come as you are”, green day’s “long view”, weezer’s “the sweater song”… all degrees higher than any mandy moore or sum 41 tune. i lived in a time when surf dudes with attitudes were “kinda groovy.”

i guess i’m just at that age where i hate anything “new” and “fresh” being attached to my generation. i don’t want to be thirty years old and have my kid asking me, “mom, did you dress like britney spears when you were my age?” i don’t want the annoying stigma of performance over artistry attached to me or to the rest of my generation, for that matter. i wish for something more respectable to represent our age, something to emblematize the majority of us and not just the consumer-driven flanks of the new millennium.

i hate being a grumpy old crone, especially at the not-so-elderly age of nineteen. return to me the original class of saved by the bell and i’ll be happy again — we’ll all be happy.