the long weekend is finally drawing to a close, and… i actually got some work done. wouldn’t you know it? i sat myself down a good few times and just dove into history, english, and like academia. i got a bit of research done for my first term papers and even wrote an introduction or one of them. bully for me!

remembrance day is an awkward occasion for me. well, i guess saying “for me” is really quite egocentric, since it is a day for veterans and all. but when this occasion pops up every year, i am reminded of my paternal grandfather who had some stories to tell us regarding his experience in the war.

annually, my family would go out to burnaby, equipped with incense and various floral combinations, to visit the cemetery where his grave resides. we’d do the traditional chinese mini-ceremony consisting of three solemn bows and a moment of silence, and i’d remember all of the times i shared with him and how much i miss him.

but we haven’t been going lately. in fact, i can’t remember the last time i visited his grave. i feel so selfish when i realize how i’m not putting in as much effort as i used to in remembering my grandfather. which just seems as though i’m living in this cyclic shame spiral — i feel sad, and then guilty for forgetting to be sad, and then being sad that i forgot — when this isn’t even really about me.

i think of him when i’m reminded of him. i think of him when i pass by mcdonald’s and remember the quick breakfasts he used to buy me and my sister on the way to school. i think of him when i receive red bean candies from relatives like the kind he used to give me when i was a little girl who scrunched her face at their disgust. i think of him when i see my father’s wearied face twisted in contempt of the world of today.

i know it was remembrance day twenty-four hours ago, but there’s no real inspiring theme to this post. i just miss my grandfather.