watching canadian idol is an excruciatingly painful experience, especially if you’re actually canadian. aside from being a horrible carbon copy of our southern neighbour’s show, it is a disappointing array of generally talentless, bland canadian singers.

i know i should be more patriotic about this show, but i just am not feeling it. the judges are cheesy knock-offs of their american counterparts, and the worst part is they don’t even imitate them well. the evil simon-esque zack is about as mean as a dandelion. the sweetie-pie paula abdul is now a blonde sass jordan whose name is probably derivative of her actually sucking ass. farley flex is like randy jackson, the token black guy but with more discount suits. and the fourth dude, what’s-his-face… i don’t even remember his name, that’s how useless he is.

and their comments… man, it’s a show that tries to be brutally honest while still maintaining the harshness of a cotton swab. in true canadian fashion, these judges lie through their teeth as they try to salvage what they can of the contestants’ vocal mutilation of stevie wonder, elton john, and whitney houston songs because they don’t want them to feel bad.

bah, canada can really stink sometimes.

this reminds me of a joke: how do you get a hundred drunk and rowdy canadians out of a pool? you say, “excuse me. could you please get out of the pool?” hah.