i know this sounds insane, but i’m starting to understand why people enjoy drinking. i never really bought into the appeal of alcohol before, mainly because just the mere taste of it makes me want to retch. but after coming back from an excellent mini-break in whistler with my friend sandra, i’m seeing what a dud i am when i’m not drinking.

i almost never get smashed — almost never; there have been the rare occasions when tequila shots start tasting like water to me, but that’s when i’m really gone. and i’m almost always embarrassed about the way i acted when i was inebriated, thinking i turned into a raging lobster woman, just as red and just as hostile. but from feedback from my friends, i’ve realized that i’m not really that bad. instead of being the anti-social, introverted hermit that i usually am while sober, i become this outspoken social butterfly chock-full of hilarity (i’m not trying to be cocky; i really do think i am funnier when i am drunk). out come the jokes i was too embarrassed to crack, the introductions i was too shy to make, the individual i was too self-conscious to be.

i guess what i’m wondering is if alcohol turns you into a completely different person — someone you are not meant to be in any way, shape, or form — or, rather, does it unleash the inner you — the person whom you want to be but who is so inhibited by the rigidity of social taboo that they can’t get out. (spoken like a true on-the-verge alcoholic, huh? quick, anyone got a.j. mclean’s number up at betty ford?)

either way, everything is better in moderation. if i were already an effervescent, daring person without drinking, what would i become when i do go under the influence? a slutty, lesbian, topless dancer, most likely. it’s nice to know that there are always boundaries i’m never willing to cross.