is it a social anomaly that my family doesn’t say “i love you”? it crosses my mind every now and then that it feels weird, those words rolling off my tongue and flying towards any member of my immediate family. i remember a time when i was so comfortable with just saying those three words all of the time — to family, to friends, to significant others. now they feel so completely alien to me.

do i love my family? yes, i suppose i do. i simply can’t ever really say it out loud. doing so makes me feel as though i’m trying too hard to keep my devotion to them in check, to admit to myself that i’m not really a selfish prat but a caring daughter and sister. the idea of “love” seems so foreign in my house, like a dish of indian food that my parents don’t ever want to sample.

there are times when i wish i could start saying “i love you” to my family again, without hesitation or unease, but i think i’ve completely lost the language.