lately, i’ve been finding it hard to write anything of importance on here, mainly because of the time constraints that school imposes and also because of the fact that i’ve been emotionally stunted these last few weeks. so, in the spirit of the holy top five, i’ve come up with a new list that should probably, once again, fail to entertain the masses. voilą…

top five favourite entries in my online journal:

1. “end the pretense” — january 9, 2003

it was about trust, something we never really had. you know that exercise they make you do at school where you lean backwards to fall and someone standing behind you catches you? you see, that’s trust, that’s the feeling of mutual understanding and compassion. that person standing behind me was her. only, she wasn’t catching me; she was booting me in the ass, and then pretending to feel bad about it.

2. “bowling for columbine” — september 3, 2003

it’s been almost three years since i graduated from high school and i’m just now starting to understand how someone who has been socially trampled on for years can walk in with a shotgun and start firing.

3. “the politics of you” — may 27, 2002

when did your personality become a democracy?

4. “how to be spiteful” — april 28, 2003

i believe there are different degrees of hate. a lower degree is the one where you have that initial gripe and get over it. the higher plateau of hate, the one i am currently stuck on, is where you plan certain scenarios in your head during which you can torture or kill the specified hated person. i am this way because when i hate someone, i really hate someone. i am a firm believer that there is truly a thin line between love and hate. and i also believe there is a great art in hating those who deserve to be hated.

5. “it just stinks” — may 24, 2001

to live forever is human; to live and die, divine.

these entries aren’t exactly masterpieces, i know. i just thought it would be nice for me to look back and remember a time when i was able to feel something. because, right now, i am in limbo.