i’m not the world’s hugest gamer, but there was a time in my life when i could not get enough of my nintendo. my sisters and i were the first kids in our neighbourhood to get one, so bragging rights were entitled. we sang, “i got nintendo! i got nintendo! and you don’t got one, ‘cause you’re on the welfare!” à la eddie murphy’s delirious. (just kidding. we didn’t actually do that, but i’d be lying if i said the thought didn’t amuse me.)

so, i’ve compiled a list of the greatest games ever invented by mankind — i.e, the games i loved when i was a kid so you must have loved them, too. prepare to be tantalized by wonders of the 8- and 16-bit variety!

blades of steel: one of the coolest games, evar! you know a game is cool when you can stop playing and just watch others play while you do the commentating, knowing all of the players’ names by heart. this was one of my first tastes of hockey and i was instantly hooked. (jared got me thinking about this one, actually.)

paperboy: a pretty simple game. you are a newspaper boy on a bike and you must try to toss the papers carefully onto the customers’ doorsteps. simple, no? well, you can imagine how much fun i had deliberately throwing the papers into their windows, wreaking all sorts of havoc.

pocky & rocky: besides being tremendously adorable, this game was so addictive. i used to play this with my sister non-stop. i didn’t really understand the premise, though. killing ghosts with fans alongside a racoon? only in japan…

cool spot: a game in which the protagonist is also the cartoon icon for a popular clear, carbonated beverage? hurray! another addictive journey for my sister and i, who would spend hours making a red spot with shades hop along fizzy bubbles.

river city ransom: i’ve already mentioned this game on my site before, but i cannot stress enough how awesome it is. gang fights, brass knuckles, sushi, villains named “slick”… all elements of a timeless classic. plus, people say, “barf,” when you punch them. what a realistic portrayal of gangsters! move over, francis ford coppola.

prince of persia: another classic! who doesn’t love a game where you can get cut in half by man-sized saws coming out of both the ceiling and floor and where you can fall into pits of deadly blades? coolness factor: infinity.

nowaday, games suck. and, also, how many buttons do you need on a controller, honestly? ooh, left 1 and 2 buttons! and here i thought A and B were already too complicated. wait, now there are strange mini-joysticks protruding from the bottom! game controllers got retarded.