i have the feeling that i can be easily replaced among my friends. i used to have a really close guy friend that i talked to everyday for a few years. i could share so many things with him and vice versa. but now it’s as if i don’t really factor into his life anymore because of this new girl who absorbs all of his attention. i would understand it more if they were dating, then maybe i wouldn’t feel as though my place in his life has been taken. but she’s actually his new “special friend” with whom he shares everything and does everything, and i have been relegated to a second-class status buddy. our other friends have affectionately dubbed me “version 1.0” — as in there is a better, improved upgrade so why keep using the older model?

this new girl has also been accepted into my group of friends with open arms. it’s not that i’m surly cow who doesn’t want to share her friends; i just don’t feel like i’m actually sharing them, but rather losing them. ever since i started dating alan, especially, i find that i see them less and less, but i don’t think that’s the reason. i used to be the girl who was “one of the boys” among my friends. it felt nice to have a place there. but now i don’t really have a place with them, and i don’t think that it affects them very much — at least, not as much as i’m letting it affect me.

i’m also beginning to feel the pangs of replacement with with my old co-workers. we were “two guys, a girl, and a slack office job”. we used to do everything together last summer. however, since i was transferred to a different branch this year, i’ve noticed that they’ve made new workplace friends and that i’m now not a necessary part of the equation.

i know it’s inevitable in some situations, especially when you’re physically separated, to drift away from those you once held close to you. but it would just be nice to know that i am needed by my friends and not easily replaceable. i would like to be assured sometimes that that i’m not as generic and static as a blow-up doll with a post-it saying “friend” on its forehead.