people who are in desperate need of a punch in the face*:

• are “excited to be going back to school”
• announce their “true love” for someone when they’re only fifteen
• find ashton kutcher “funny” and/or “hot”
• wear glasses without prescription lenses because they’re “fashionable”
• use the word “dope” (as in “that party was dope!”)
• smoke cigarettes because it “calms their nerves”
• say that britney spears has a “great singing voice”
• claim that they “don’t care what others think”
• have a “five-year plan”
• believe zach braff is a “genius” (he’s talented, i’ll give him that)
• tell people that they wear thongs because they’re “more comfortable”
• drink pepsi because it’s “better than coke”
• don’t like conan o’brien because he’s “weird”
• brought a pair of “flip-flops” to the republican convention
• make inane lists of “people who are in desperate need of a punch in the face”

in other useless news, the second season of the apprentice aired today. is it just me, or does the first dude that got voted off bear a striking resemblance to der fuhrer — er, i mean the president? he has some of bush’s trademark mannerisms and he’s from texas, even! wouldn’t it be great, if the president was doing a crummy job, to just tell him — or her — “you’re fired”? then that damn catch-phrase would finally have some poetry to it.

*one could substitute “punch in the face” with “kick in the groin”, whichever is more painful to the individual on the receiving end.