i hate using public washrooms. and as a girl it’s doubly hard: you need to make sure the seat is clean; if it’s not, you need to wipe it; then, you place the disposable seat-cover or scraps of toilet paper over it; and, finally, you can pee (if you haven’t, in fact, already peed in your pants during this arduous process).

remember when you were a baby and could just go in your diaper? when did society get too refined to defecate in their undies? i suppose when i’m, like, eighty years old i can start wearing diapers again, so i at least have one thing to look forward to as an enfeebled geriatric.